Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Happy New Year...

Miracle Babies stand up...TELL YOUR STORY.. This was a discussion on a board I go to, I have tried to put in word over the last 2 years how I felt, what I believe was driving me and who I am after having had a micro-preemie. After I read many of the stories I felt lead to tell my story and I wanted to share it for Bella to have someday so she knows how much a miracles she is and how Great our God is. How he not only held her in that NICU for five months in his arms but he held me too.

I ask myself this question all the time. I ask God to give me answers as to why my baby and not someone else baby. I can't believe that I prayed anymore than another mother did for her child. Or gave anymore. I am not sure why I wish we had the answers. It is easy for me to tell how Great God is as I have my daughter but not so easy for someone who did not bring there little one home. Or who has a child with problems. I know I looked to Witt's loving parents and Grandmother Karen for inspiration during my time in the NICU. Witt was born with no hope just as Bella was and now 2 years later and even with all his problems they still give the glory to God. Even with all that they have been through they still continue to praise God for the gift Witt. It is people like that that are a true testimony to God, they believe that everything is God's will and all gift are from God just in how we look at it.

I know I prayed for Bella allot before she was born when Doctor after doctor came in and told me all the reason's not to put her on the vent all the things that would be wrong with her. All the times they said she was not a viable baby. And at 23 weeks 4 days when they could no longer keep my BP down and fluid began to fill on my lungs I had never been so scared. And I believe it was an angle on earth sent from God to calm me and remind me of how I had given this all to God just days before how that calmness and fear had been taken away by God.
Bella is a gift from God and she is a miracle. She spent 5 month in the NICU everyday I layed my hands on her and I asked God to give all my faith to her and to hold her in his arms until he was ready to send her home. I believed he could do all this, I believed he could heal her, I never once questioned or gave into fear of the worse or unknown, I never doubt I would bring my daughter home. I always told God I would accept his will as it was his great plan, I also said if his will was not mine believe I would be angry at him but I would accept it.
I held to bible verses that said

Matthew 8:26 "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.

Matthew 21:21 Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you say to this mountain, Go, throw yourself in the sea and it will be done."

Mark 11:22 "Have faith in God" Jesus Answers.
Mark 11:23 "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this moutain, Go, throw yourself into the sea and does not dougt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him"

I was told I would never hold her a live that if I wanted to I should not put her on the machines. At 23 weeks 4 days I had Bella by C-section she weighted 15 oz and was 10 inches long. My daughter spent 5 months in the NICU, She has CLD and shows no signs of it now; was on all the vents possible. She came off of all IV's and medications a week after she was born, she had only a PDA surgery at 7 days old. She came home on O2 and stayed on till she was 11 months old. She had nothing else on the list of things that they said would go wrong. She has no eye problems, no hearing problems, no bleeding on the brain, no feeding issues, no major development delays. She gets therapy once a month and qualified only because of her birth weight and gestational age.

I don't know if you believe in Miracles or God but for me this was proof God does perform miracles. I don't have the reason why I just know because he gave me this gift he also gave me this cross to bear. Before Bella I had faith, I believed that Jesus died for my sin, I believed Jesus was the son of God, I had faith that God was watching over me. But I did not read bible verse and I was not at church ever Sunday. I actually didn't put a lot of credit and support in the bible as this was mans idea of what Jesus had said and a man telling me what this bible verse meant. Since having Bella I still don't go to church that has not changed for me, but I do spend more time trying to find bible verses for how I am feeling and what I am praying and when I need directions. I think God does everything for a purpose even if we don't' know what that purpose is. I hope someday when I am with our Father in Heaven I will know and see all that his purpose is and understand why things are what they are.
For now I just know I have this gift and everyday with her is a gift from God. I lived my life now as today is the only day I have and that is enough for me. This verse below is how I live my life now.

Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness, let the whole world know what he has done. Sing to him, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his miracles~I Chronicles 16:8-9


trash talk said...

My darling baby girl...this was the most beautiful poetry I have ever read. I love you.

Garden Antqs Vintage said...

That is the truth!! She is such a beautiful miracle of God. Happy New Years to your beautiful family.

sassytrash said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart, your journey, your miracles, and your precious angel with us! God's Mercy and Grace astound me every day I am given! Happiest of New Year's to you and your family!

Lori Katies Rose Cottage said...

This is such a beautiful post about
your baby girl ~
God truly does still do miracles
and you get to hold one in your arms~
What a blessing!!

Sue said...

What a heartfelt post, and your words are beautiful. When you were going through all of this with Bella, my son & his wife were pregnant with a little girl, Morgan, who is now 18 months old. I often questioned "faith" and wondered why these things happen to some and not to others. One baby born healthy, no problems, while another struggles and fights to live. I agree that it isn't about asking questions anymore, just accepting what God has put on our plate and knowing there is a reason for it. I hope this brand new year finds you and your family having pure joy and as you watch Bella grow.

Take care, Sue